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About Varied / Student Member Mapper 3Male/United States Recent Activity
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If I likes it, I faves it



its been over 9000 years since i updated this page.
that is all
    "Now wait just a minute!" The Oogie Boogie man pleaded. Nicholas Cage still held the magnum raised to aim directly at the green charlatan.
    "I don't like to wait," said Nicholas, cocking his gun a second time, to no effect, "Give me the money."
    The Oogie Boogie man eyed him with fear, and yet also with burning distaste; a contempt that was as intense as the LED's in the Boogie Man's cellar. The Boogie Man reached under the counter discreetly, eyes still locked on Nicholas. Too late, Cage realized what the Boogie Man was doing, but could not react soon enough to dodge what came next.
    The Boogie Man raised a sawed - off double barrel shotgun from under the counter, behind the racks of tobacco and condoms, and took aim. "Drop it!" He cried.
    Seeing defeat, Nicholas weighed his options. With a sour face, Nicholas Cage crouched down slowly, staring at the Boogie Man and his shotgun unblinking, and set the golden magnum down softly on the ground, provoking only the slightest of clicks as it hit the ground. Cage then stood up, hands in the air, surrendering.
    "Good choice, lil' man. Now, who sent you?" He took large, ponderous steps closer to Cage until the shotgun was against his head.
    "You know who sent me."
    "No," Oogie pushed the gun on his head harder, "Who really sent you?"
    Nic Cage swallowed. He wasn't quite sure how to lie to a large green sack with a shotgun. He sighed and answered, "The Author's Guild."
    Oogie raised a vaguely - defined eyebrow. "Really? I'm flattered!" He looked up. "Till!" he shouted, like an uncle welcoming a nephew.
    Nic Cage turned to see the lead singer of Rammstein, Till, was standing in the door to the porn section. On his arms were two large and threatening - looking flamethrowers. He flared them twice for a menacing effect.
    "Tie up this hammy sammich, my boy!" The Oogie Boogie man waddled back behind the counter and zipped up his indian man uniform. Till started walking towards him. He looked almost bored.
    Quickly, Nic Cage lunged for the magnum, rolled, and shot at Till. It hit the thin plaster ceiling behind him.
    "You missed," Said Till in an extremely accented blurb of speech.
    "I wasn't ai -"
    "-aiming for him?" Finished Oogie. He held up the shotgun, pointing it at Cage.
    "No. Instead, I was aiming for the pipe that was hissing a while ago, but none of you noticed. The pipe was, presumably, some extremely flammable gas which, at the slightest provocation, could explode without warning. Also, the porno room is laced with nitroglycerin, C4, TNT, and mustard gas."
    They all waited, staring at the beaded entrance to the porno room.
    "Any minute now," Nic cage tip - toed out the door.
    "H - hey!" cried Oogie.
    And then the whole shop exploded without warning behind Nic Cage, presumably incinerating the two men inside.

    "There's one thing crappier than the Author's Guild, and that's turncoats!" William Shatner leaned back, sighing. Jim Beaver and Sal Lizzard swigged their beers in unison.
    The Actor's Conglomerate was jam packed for this meeting. Arnold Schwarzenegger kept trying to hide his thick Austrian accent as he discussed the rogue Nicholas Cage. "And naow, he's keeled two of ah best mehn, and one of ah meny fronts."
    "It's just one front," said Clint Eastwood to Arnold's chair. "We have plenty!"
    "That's not enough to be so reckless!" Said Bruce Lee. " Stop being so loose - assed."
    Eastwood stood up. "You feelin' lucky, punk?"
    "Men!" Said Patrick Stewart, with a patriarchal gleam in his eye, "Infighting will get us nowhere."
    "We must track daun the traitor, and fast!" said Ahnold.
    "Make it so," Patrick Stewart sipped his water. "How much manpower do we need?"
    "I suggest a systematic approach," Said Bruce. "We search every block of that city, like procedure."
    "You shittin' me?" Billy Mays gesticulated wildly with his arms. "That'll take forever!"
    Leonard Nimoy sighed. "I wouldn't complain, Mays, since you are only an honorary member to this Conglomerate."
    Shatner sipped a glass of milk. "Let's launch an actual investigation. Start with those close to Cage."
    Suddenly the double oak doors of the chamber opened. All the Actors in the Conglomerate glanced up.
    "I may be of some help," Said John Travolta. In his hand, a crumpled Polaroid of Nic Cage.
Crackfic part 2
In this gripping sequel, Nic Cage intensifies! An explosion! Mysterious Conglomerates! The like! Sunday! Sunday! BE THERE!!!!
  • Mood: Mortified
  • Listening to: allstar
  • Reading: Bob he once told me the world is gonna roll me
  • Watching: I ate the sharpest tool in the shed
  • Playing: she was looking kinda dumb with therapy
  • Eating: is the shape of all her forehead
Two sweeps after Sollux's game backfired, Vriska lives as a vagrant on a desolate planet. The Empire who all but abandoned Alternia wait for the strongest of trolls to show their power.
When the Imperial Drones arrive, Vriska thinks it's the end - but she won't be culled this time. A stranger named Firenz enlists her in the brutal Alternian Navy, a hellish gauntlet to weed out the weakest of the best. And in charge, a brutal and savage admiral named Thorne, who concocts ordeal after ordeal, sending his trainees heartlessly through hell and back to prepare for interstellar war. But the greatest challenge to Vriska won't be the disturbed Admiral Thorne, the mysterious Quartermaster, or even the starvation. No, the worst challenge she will face are her fellow trainees, unfamiliar and unfriendly faces. Among them will rise one of her greatest enemies.
And all the while, a conspiracy cooks among to oppressed majority - the Lowbloods - as more begin to follow the teachings of the Sufferer. Soon, a chain of events will cause a massive civil war in the Empire, and Vriska, as well as a certain old flame, will be the key players.

Fuchsia is the color of our first moon, mother of our royalty
Blue is the color of the night sky, secure, all - enveloping, and omnipotent.
Green is the color of labour and intellectuals, the beating heart of our Empire.
Red is the color of the dawn, the time of laziness and ineptitude. And so it will be that at dawn will begin our righteous massacre!
Ancient speech delivered by Earroc the Quasi - royal, and mantra of the Highblood Manifesto.


mapper3's Profile Picture
Mapper 3
Artist | Student | Varied
United States
Long time artist, short time member, a young person who is particularly interested in graphite and charcoal forms. He also dabbles in the literary arts.

Imma homestuck!
Homestuck Stamp by Demon-Dolphin

Faves and watches much appreciated! As are critiques and comments. Don't be afraid to give CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism! I also troll the Complaints forums, i.e. Acts like a fool. Check out my friend's works and stuff, because they are awesome and deserve it :P

I am insolentLordling on pesterchum!
Virgo and Proud!
Virgo by SkaianAngelKanaya: Deal With It by Bio-Electric-Anemone

My bffziez::iconcrankykankri::iconundeadmiracles::icontotoaquil::iconsuperdavorayuki::iconimikhitsugaya913::iconfreak97show::icondualpsychic:
My moirail: :icongoldenmonocle:
Matesprit: Jasmine <3
Badass ppl: My watches. :P

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timliver Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015
Its been a loooong time.
DartzoftheOrichalcos Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014   General Artist
Thanks for the watch!! :D
mapper3 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Student General Artist
no problem m80
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