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About Varied / Hobbyist Some BitchFemale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 3 Years
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Statistics 160 Deviations 3,153 Comments 6,259 Pageviews


If I likes it, I faves it



  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: I Gotta (Get Down) by Casual
  • Reading: A Lenin biography
Rememberwhen we used to use this fucking website??!?!??!?!?!?!!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!!???!??!?!????!??!?!?!?!!!!!?!!?!?
  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: I Gotta (Get Down) by Casual
  • Reading: A Lenin biography
This is a rant. I am having personal turmoil. This is a true statement. Ha, tricked ya, you thought that sentence implicitly refered to the one before it, but NOPE. It refers to itself, merely because I said so arbitrarily. You're welcome.
As I was saying, I'm sicka shit. I'm sicka it. it's bullshit.
Let me tell you hwat. I'm so tired of people tbh. I'm not edgy or emo (as if you'd take my word for it) but I'm really upset by my lack of close personal connection., And plus that, every relationship I've ever had was GARBAGE. complete trash. Too many times I've walked right into some bullshit with someone because I might have been attracted to them a little, but then we fall out for whatever reason, or I realize I'm NOT Attracted to them like two weeks too late. It's Rickdiculous!!! No relationship I've ever had aside from like one was emotionally fulfilling.
Even worse?! Sometimes I get so infatuated with people it brings me physical pain. What the fuck? my decadent, caveman desire to fuck someone causes me to become anxious and almost unable to function if I even see them or talk to them sometimes!! ??? !!!??? What the frickety frack diddly dack paddywhack is that? It's almost to the point of sickness! It's not normal anxiety, it's something else. When I become so infatuated with someone for whatever stupid reason I turn into a goddamn troglodyte. Is that what inhibits me from stable, mature relationships? My animalistic desire to fuck someone's brains out? It's like the scene in some crappy sitcom where men turn into literal apes when they see a woman.
I've been grappling with this problem for a year!! I'm thankful to have the self - controll not to act on this shitty feeling. Of course, I don't even know it's sex related. Maybe it's just that when I find someone beautiful, I shut down entirely and short circuit. Either way, it's inhibited my friendships, inhibited my relationships, and my peace of mind!!!! Am I dangerous??? I think of certain people and suddenly my anxiety response does an acrobatic pirroette off the fucking balcony of humanity.
It sucks because it's some of my friends, too, and I feel so anxious if I'm even aware of them at all. I love them and I want to have great, beautiful close relationships but I can't do that if there's a part of me that pounds on its chest like King Kong every time i even look at them. I used to mistake the feeling for love. Now I know it's just an awful shit emotion.
I feel awful.
I saw your face behind eyelids
But I didn't know just who it was
I smelled your smell on my girlfriend
But she felt nothing like you
I may not know just who you are
But you're who knows me the best

I've made too many guesses
I couldn't give what they gave me
So many people in dresses
Yet no one knows me like you
In my search for you, I only made messes
Love is not zero-sum
I pooped this out.

I guess this summarizes my feelings about my life right now. You know those dreams about people and you fall in love with them, and you wake up and go "awwww?" I guess this is a manefestation of that feeling and my crippling anxiety and shame. My horrible flaws are what make me a decent writer.

"What people call 'love,' is just a chemical reaction that compells animals to breed. It hits hard, and then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage."
~ Rick Sanchez.
I'm so lazy right now, holy shit. It's like I'm allergic to any kind of energetic exertion. All of my energy at present being exerted at all is the kinetic energy I am transferring to my laptop keyboard. I have 10,000 art notifications, 5,472 watch notifs as of writing. I have done no work on RR. Rick and Morty is priority. Rick and morty forever. I'm so crazy rn. Seriously I don't even know what mood I'm in. holy shit. I feel like a jerk but it's okay because I'm havign a  GIGGOL mate.
  • Mood: It's Hot
  • Listening to: I Gotta (Get Down) by Casual
  • Reading: A Lenin biography
Rememberwhen we used to use this fucking website??!?!??!?!?!?!!??!??!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!?!?!?!?!!???!??!?!????!??!?!?!?!!!!!?!!?!?


mapper3's Profile Picture
Some Bitch
Artist | Hobbyist | Varied
United States
Long time artist, short time member, a young person who is particularly interested in graphite and charcoal forms. He also dabbles in the literary arts.

Imma homestuck!
Homestuck Stamp by Demon-Dolphin

Faves and watches much appreciated! As are critiques and comments. Don't be afraid to give CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism! I also troll the Complaints forums, i.e. Acts like a fool. Check out my friend's works and stuff, because they are awesome and deserve it :P

I am insolentLordling on pesterchum!
Virgo and Proud!
Virgo by SkaianAngelKanaya: Deal With It by Bio-Electric-Anemone

My bffziez::iconcrankykankri::iconundeadmiracles::icontotoaquil::iconsuperdavorayuki::iconimikhitsugaya913::iconfreak97show::icondualpsychic::icongoldenmonocle:
Badass ppl: My watches. :P

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Add a Comment:
timliver Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2015
Its been a loooong time.
mapper3 Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aye yo it's been so long since I logged into DA holy crap. how ya been.
DartzoftheOrichalcos Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2014   General Artist
Thanks for the watch!! :D
mapper3 Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
no problem m80
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